Girl Anachronicles

I am fully aware that my whole family can eventually reach this blog and read whatever I have to say regarding them, regarding my life, regarding … whatever. I am not and will not be apologetic about what I write in here, even though it may wound sensitivities. If I choose to write what I feel, I will do my best to keep it honest.

Regarding my last post, it apparently drew my uncle’s attention (and I’m pretty certain of HOW he got here, since he had never contacted me before and had no easy access to my contacts and websites). I understand that he, as well as my mother and her sisters, will each have a very unique way of seeing things, of appreciating situations, of living their lives. I respect that, and I try my best to keep to myself and not  intrude in their lives. However, as all human beings, I will have my own opinions about that, and if it is totally relevant, I may even share them here. I do not intend to question their reasons for doing (or failing to do): I just observe, and as an observer of life, I post here, in my own very personal, albeit very public, space.

I just want to make it clear that all comments I make here are solely my own, conclusions to which I have arrived by observation (even more than by listening to third parties, I too can see what’s happening around me and come to my own conclusions at 30 years old). And there will be certain comments that may be hurtful, specially when it comes to a certain grandmother, and oh PLEASE! Do not come demanding respect for her: if you feel she deserves YOUR respect, by all means, she is your mother. If I refer to her despectively, hasn’t it occurred to you that I may have my own, very personal reasons?

So let’s leave it in the clear: I am not a parrot. I am not spewing out a re-chewed version of something told to me. The opinions and comments in this blog are purely mine, and as such, just as valid as anyone else’s. I do not appreciate anyone coming into my blog to tell me that the opinions forged about my family during the last 30 years of life are wrong. I, too, am entitled to a personal view of this family. If it disagrees with others’ views, well, then … we’ll have to agree to disagree. Everyone in my close family knows how I feel, and respect it, even if they do not share it. I never expected someone so truly detached from my life to come lecturing me about “how things were”. I was also there. I also watched. From this side, it looks totally different: doesn’t make it less true.

BTW: I will not publish my uncle’s comments, just so he knows. Since those are his own personal issues, I do not feel in the liberty of disclosing them here. I may disagree with my family, but I do respect their privacy.

A veces trato de verle el sentido a la forma en que esta familia se ha desbandado.

Mi papá y Martha hace ya más de 4 años están viviendo fuera de la isla: se fueron a buscar una mejor vida, cosa que todavía nos cuestionamos: “hasta qué punto lo habrán logrado?” … porque si nos dejamos llevar por lo económico, “nanai cucas!”, como diría papi.

Mi abuela (la única que nos queda ya, después del lento deshoje de abuelitos que hemos visto desde hace 10 años) terminó tostá y encerrada en un hogar de ancianos. Allá la van a visitar mi mamá y mis hermanos todos lo fines de semana. Mi tía menor la visita [supongo que] cuando le entra la sensación de culpa, y mis otros dos tíos extranjerizados creo que todavía niegan que la mamá se les está muriendo, y prefieren desentenderse de la pelota de masa vieja que ya ni habla ni reconoce. Yo ni me he ocupado de visitarla, mis razones tengo, pero se me ocurre que después me voy a arrepentir de no haber hecho las paces con la doña de mi madre.

Mi hermana se ha ido enajenando de la familia en un lento proceso de emancipación emocional. Aún no entiendo la estrategia, pero ya llegó al punto culminante: hace poco avisó que se va de la casa con su novia. Este fin de semana entrante firman contrato y entregan depósito: toda una serie de etcéteras de adultos que me hacen sentir vieja cuando veo a mi hermanita bregando con eso.

Mi hermano ha sido el que menos se ha apartado del núcleo: se mantiene en contacto con los que importan y no se ha perdido en un bosque de amigos e intereses externos. No significa que a veces no me quede muda cuando me percato de que este ex-ponketo rebelde ahora se pone camisa de botón y manga larga y un pantalón de vestir para ir a trabajar a la Milla de Oro. Se siente como un anacronismo, circa Siglo 21.

Anoche analizaba todos estos detalles, a dónde ha ido a parar cada partícula de la familia, y me preguntaba si alguna vez pensé que así se sentiría nuestra adultez. A mis 21 años puede que no estuviera tan perdida como mi hermana, pero sí estaba tomando decisiones peores (metiendo mano con gente irresponsable, abortando, hundiéndome en mi propia crapulenta miseria). Si alguien me decía que 9 años más tarde: mi hermanita estaría Livin’ la Vida Lesbian; y mi hermano, bandeándose en el paraíso yuppie-boricua… me hubiera reído y mucho.

Ahora, qué bueno que nadie vino a contarme que mi papá cogería los bártulos y se iría de nuevo y por buen tiempo!… eso me hubiese destruído con bastante antelación. Mejor dejar esas lágrimas para ahora, cuando realmente tocan y tienen surcos por donde correr.

The act of adapting to a new set of cirumstances.

Sometimes it takes a negative toll, it sucks our creative energy and our happiness away. Re-adapting can tint the world in a gray cast: it all becomes muddled shadows under sickly yellow streetlamps.

… but sometimes it becomes a brightening filter: the grass starts looking greener right under your feet for the right reasons.

(picture from huffingtonpost.com)

Simply put: Barack Hussein Obama won the presidency of the United States. It’s a victory for the Democratic Party, indeed. It’s a victory for the African-Americans as a minority demographic, also. It’s a victory for common sense, peace, hope…

It’s also much more than a win. What I see in the expressions of the people captured by the cameras of the press is not simple glee for having won this round.

(picture from huffingtonpost.com)

What I see is the same kind of relief that pervades the faces of victims rescued from a shipwreck. I know this tune from the smattering of science fiction TV shows we watch.

Party at Wall Street ...I mean "CIC". Recognize the relief dance?

We finally got to Earth. Yay!

Suddenly makes you think of the slaves liberated by Moses.

What the Democratic Party has delivered is not a simple win: it’s a deliverance, a liberation, a welcome change in the order of things. What you see is not a people happy for the victory of one man: what you see is a whole country sighing in relief because someone finally came to save us from ourselves.

(picture from huffingtonpost.com)