Jun 12
Stray Fur
Posted by Diana in animals, life, memories, pets on 06 12th, 2010| icon32 Comments »

Our first stray was a cat. It was around Christmas-time and I was probably no more than 6 years old. It was customary in the family – back then – to deck the living room in basking glory (that means putting up a huge-ass tree that barely fits through the doorway and throw the boxloads of new, old and inherited ornaments on it … then, as an afterthought, plant the nativity scene – all old and stinking of mold – underneath). My mom tells that this particular year a cat started coming around. It was a dark colored cat, clean and well kept. It looked more like a lost cat than a cat born on the streets. I used to put out a tiny saucer of milk for him and pet him (or her?) for a while.

Then, one day, my mother had the brightest idea of them all: bring the cat in! And then go out. Yes. Leave the feline unattended … with a huge-ass fir treeeeeeee!

You know where the tree ended up, right?

And you know where the cat went, right?

After that, the strays that appeared were only fed, not brought in. I remember this black pup that came every afternoon to get his customary buscuit. This wasn’t a stray, he was a neighbor’s dog, but I liked to think of him as partly mine anyway. That’s why his demise under the tires of a car was a bit more painful than it should’ve been. His absence after that was my first taste of what happens when something you love goes away.

All the while, we’d been proud family to a small pack of white poodles. My parents started off with two (male & female), to pair them off and get at least one litter of purebred white poodles. At one point, there were about 6 or 7 puppies running around the house (additional to momma and pappa poodle). I was a very happy toddler, I had the best playmates ever! What else could I ask for?

Fuck playing with other kids! Dogs are AWESOME!

Things changed: we moved, my parents got divorced, time passed… eventually only one dog remained from the vast empire of curls: Laika, the original female (a sort of Eve). Then I brought in Sasha, handpicked by my grandfather to be our next canine companion at home. Some years after that, I got my first true stray: Lucky.

Lucky was a black kitten. I found her under a tree, mewing her lungs off. I glimpsed her mother’s body squished in the middle of the road. I couldn’t resist. I knelt on the floor, opened my arms, and Lucky came home. I took her to the ved, fed her, cared for her, and all was fine until the day one of my family members left the door open. After that she never came back inside (mostly because my father’s boxer wouldn’t let her). I was later told that she was sighted alive and well, in the wilderness of our yard (which was pretty expansive), nursing a litter. I guess muy job was complete.

That was 1999 and, after that, I didn’t get a stray for the longest while.Pets came and went: 2nd and 3rd generation litters from the pets we already had, adoptions, hand-me-downs. I had the most tragic deaths in 2003 – my 4 dogs, Sasha included, died in a fire that destroyed everything I had. It took me a while longer to realize I hadn’t been the best pet caretaker. Two adoptions later – both resulting in handing them over to someone better suited for the job – I finally had my first era of my life without a pet. And lord, did it suck!

Eze and I got a hamster to fill that void. Medea was the cutest thing – totally tame, 0 hamster bites in her year of life. She died a terrible death: tumors killed her off slowly. It was a painful thing to watch and I cried her death for the longest you can cry a hamster death. After that, I was certain I was ready to care for a dog again.

A few years later, Caprica came. A friend called me one night to tell me that her kids’ tutor had found two puppies abandoned in a park nearby. I asked about the approximate age of the pups: I knew I didn’t have the time to bottle feed weeks-old puppies. I went there next day, committed to at least help the woman out to find a place that would take good care of the pups. When I arrived, she said someone else had already adopted the male pup. Only the female was left: a tiny tuft of hair and mange, dotted with the teeniest ticks, still smelling of mother’s milk. My first thought was that I wasn’t ready to take on this. Hell, that was my first, second and third thought, for the next 3 hours. I brought her into my car inside of a small cardboard box, and I set course toward Humacao, looking for a no-kill shelter I had heard about. As it turns out, no one in Humacao knew about the shelter, no one could point me in the right direction. I drove around, lost, for the next few hours, and the puppy was so well behaved, she only voiced discomfort once, as I proceeded to step out of the car in a gas station to ask for directions.

I remember she woke up when I stopped the car, looked at me, and yelped twice loudly, as if saying “What the hell is taking so long?”. I fell in love right there and then. A pup that could withstand hours riding around in a  car without crying or peeing on my seat was a special pup. She stayed. We named her Caprica, after the home planet in our favorite sci-fi series, BSG. She made our lives more complicated, more expensive, more difficult… but also, much more pleasant. She was our first child.

..she spent her first 3 months with that startled look on her face. I guess she wasn't expecting to be rescued..

After that, we were pretty content. We had a run-in with a stray dove: fed her for a few weeks – a very complicated thing to do – and eventually realized Eze’s father could do a better job at it, so we took her to his house, where a stray cat promptly killed her with a swift swipe of the paw. We also got a second stray dog, bigger than Caprica herself. We quickly took her to Eze’s parents’ home, but she apparently had a taste for freedom, and she ran away successfully on her second attempt.

A year and a half after Caprica came into our lives, we got our last stray.  I was driving to the supermarket on a Sunday morning, and the tiniest cat crossed the road right in front of my car. I saw another car pass over him, I remember I yelped “Noooo!” and stopped dead on my tracks. Thankfully, the pickup truck on the next lane took my cue and stopped too, ‘cuz when we came around, we found the cat clinging to their front tire. He was a mess of oil-ridden hair and eye secretions. I grabbed him, got him in my car and took him to the nearest vet, thinking that they would take him in. No luck, except the attendant was nice enough to give me a box to put the cat in. I kept him that night, bathed him and cleaned his eyes, with the idea to take him to the shelter the next day. The next day was a holiday. The cat stayed – to Eze’s chagrin. And after that, I had already named named him. He was definitely mine.

Thing about strays is: in my case, these animals have proved to be the most thankful critters, capable of infinite affection. They both came into my lives with a slew of diseases and conditions that have cost me more money than what I have, but it’s been worth it. I’m not sorry in the leastest bit of having taken them in. They were born on the streets, but they have become family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happiness is a bundle of fur and legs.

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Jun 9

I fell in love back in 1992: Bram Stoker’s Dracula was released, and I became a fervorous fan immediately. I was awed by Gary Oldman’s performance as Dracula / Vlad Tepes, I swooned at the sexually charged tension in the film, Winona Ryder charmed me with her feverish portrayal of Mina, I even forgot to be bothered by Keanu Reeve’s unchangeable face of  “Whoa!”. Had they made a whole line of eyeliners / body glitter / rubber bracelets stamped with Dracula’s face and name, I would have been all over that shit (and broken my parents’ bank accounts).

I swear: I swooned for Gary in this getup. John Lennon shades included. LOL

The film also sparked an interest in all things vampire: books that ranged in quality from the classics (Bram Stoker’s Dracula itself) to the inane, fan-fiction-like dreg (I Am Dracula comes to mind), movies that gave way to other horror films (it started with Tale of a Vampire, but it gave way to other subgenres like zombies and demonic possessions), the best goth attire I could muster (which wasn’t much, given my budget and my permanent location on a tropical island), etc. Suffice it to say: I breathed, ate and lived on vampires. Big fan. BIG.

Then I outgrew that phase (sort of) and became interested in other things, but vampires held a special place in my heart.

Later came the onslaught that killed that little place in my heart: Underworld disenchanted me of the possibilities of bringing vampires to the modern world … Twilight simply did it in. Suddenly vampires were nothing to be feared or revered: they became sullen girls and moody teenagers with the odd craving for blood – a perfect ad for Hot Topic. The hordes of teenagers grasping at the shreds of the last XS-sized t-shirt of Edward Cullen were the nail on the coffin. Working at Hot Topic did no good to my perception of vampires as a literary figure of legend. Having Edward, Bella and Jacob peering out of the Twilight merchandise for hours at a time was nothing short of unnerving and nauseating.

..having to fold all the shirts every night and fix the merch display every 20 minutes didn't help either..

I eventually watched Twilight out of sheer morbid curiosity: that’s two hours I’ll never get back. It had its salvage points. They will never be enough to salvage the whole movie. Nor the series. Much less the book dynasty. Fuck you, Steph Meyer!

So it was with mild trepidation that I sat down to watch Let the Right One In, a 2008 film from Norway. From the get-go, you realize this is not the Teen Movie, Vampire® Edition crap that Twilight has been able to pull. The mood sets itself slowly on you: it’s dark and soft and gentle, yet terrible in all of its horror. Being a vampire here is not a matter of beauty, sexuality or glamour. The vampire in this story is a 12-year-old girl that travels around with an adult companion everyone believes to be her father (later on we realize he’s not). She’s not breathtakingly beautiful, nor does she prance around in stylish clothes and trendy accessories (yeah, Alix, I’m looking at you and your crappy crushed velvet choker, you stupid, vapid twat!). She’s a 12-year-old girl who got caught with this “disease”, a curse to bind her forever to a crippling hunger for living blood. She’s enlisted the help from an older lover / companion who kills and collects the blood for her so she won’t have to go out and get it herself. When he fails, she reacts like any child would: bratty, petulant, childish. There’s no infinite benevolence to her, just as there’s no abyss of evil in her soul. She’s just what she is: an eternal little girl.

Her counterpart in this movie is Oskar, a little kid who’s bullied constantly at school and has issues of his own at home. He’s got no friends at all, and has an intense desire to strike back at his tormentors. He is, by all means, a regular 12-year-old kid. When he meets vampire girl Eli, he finds in her the uncomparable comfort of kinship: someone who might understand, who seems like she’s been there, someone to keep him company. Their relationship evolves slowly and sweetly – nothing like the “Ooooh I can smell your twat from here! I wanna eat you!” stint from Edward Cullen. Keep your pants on boy! Just as slowly as the relationship evolves, Oskar starts suspecting Eli is a vampire through observation and clues from her odd lifestyle.

I swear this is the way it really went!

Another thing that caught my attention was the feeding process. At first Eli has her food delivered to her, but as her companion fails more and more often, she’s forced to get her food herself. I’ve seen a whole myriad of vampire attacks on screen: most of them are sexy and lustful, or macabre and cruel, maybe even funny. All of them have one thing in common: the vampire is mostly relentless and gains 100% satisfaction from sucking the lifeblood off another. Eli shares none of this with them: she’s overwhelmed time and again by the murder she’s committing. On one hand, she’s satisfying a hunger that, if left unbridled, affects her to the point of changing her physical appearance (the hungrier Eli is, the more sickly she becomes); on the other hand, she’s incredibly aware that she’s sinking her teeth into another life. The first kill scene is heart-wrenching at portraying this ambivalence. However, little by little, kill after kill, she becomes more comfortable with what she has to do.

Let the Right One In stayed with me long after the credits rolled. It had been a while since I had been haunted by a movie such as this. The film’s greatest value and strongest asset is that the figure of the vampire isn’t portrayed as a monster or as a sexual predator (much less as a high school heartthrob). Vampirism isn’t glamorized the way we’re used to see it; we see first and foremost the little girl in relation to the little boy – all that awkwardness of the first relationship, the sweetness, the intensity, – and then we see the vampire: a sickly girl who has no choice but to feed on others to keep herself alive. Human relations take a front seat in this film: leave the glitter to the idiots, the kids in LTROI will pull your heart through the wringer.

…and you may have noticed, but I couldn’t stop thinking of how crappy Twilight was in comparison. Wait, no, there is no comparison. Let the Right One In is a movie that will most likely prove to be a timeless classic. Twilight is like a shitty version of Sixteen Candles (all respect to Mr. Hughes), but with fangs … wait, no! Scratch that …

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Jun 2

I just recently realized that most of what I am – the rebellion, the unwillingness to conform, the mental allergy to business suits, the outright refusal to “grow up” – is a direct effect of my aunt (of all people!).

My aunt is only 9 years older than me. You could say our initial dynamic was closer to that between sisters than bewteen aunt and niece. She played dolls with me and I borrowed her Barbies, inherited her toys and some of her clothes… As time passed, she became what an older sister usually becomes for a little sister: a role model. As she filled out and became a woman, I admired her fashion sense, flair and style… mind you, her style was this:

..oh for the love of god, gouge my eyes out with a spoon..

Yes, my aunt was a child from the Summer of ’69. If you do the math, you’ll realize this makes her an 80s teen. Her adolescence was spent teasing her hair to inhuman volumes and collecting rhinestone brooches to pin to her denim jackets. She wasn’t a trashy, punk 80s girl – that would have been outrageous and too forward for our family. My aunt was a perfect ringer for Molly Ringwald (sans the red hair): spiffy blazers and glam jewelry, bangles riddled with charms, bright-white hi-tops with pastel-colored leg warmers, pouffy hair-barrettes … everything you hate about the eighties was in my aunt’s closet.

The wondrous color of PINK! Together with denim, it's a **winning** combi- BARF!

The wondrous color of PINK, together with denim it's a **winning** combi- BARF!

Her pasttimes and preferences left nothing to be desired! She was a full-on eighties girl: a fan of Wham! and John Hughes movies, she loved hanging out at the mall … a regular Robin Sparkles.

That is what I looked up to when I was an awkwardly budding kid. I even developed tiny crushes on her boyfriends. The extent of her effect on me could be exemplified by one incident: our first shopping spree. She had just gotten her first office job – and after a few failed attempts at getting a career (and then dropping out), hell, that’s the best she could do! We went shopping for shoes to go with her polyester, shoulder-padded suits. She spent around $100 on pump shoes of different colors. Right now it seems like no big deal, but for 9-year-old me, $100 was a LOT of money. After that, she spent the rest of whatever allowance she had left on music, she even bought me a Nelson Nelson cassette (omg, this last phrase just dated the whole episode and made me a whole lot less cool).

Aaaaafter the rain... best cassette EVER! ...until the next one I bought.

I wound up crying in my mother’s arms because I couldn’t wrap my head around so much money spent on shoes and music.

But, for all that blind adoration, little by little, I came into my own.  I think it all started the day she got married: a few weeks after that, I visited their apartment for the first time. Keep in mind that my aunt’s first marriage was when she and her beau were both just 20 years old. They had met at the mall store they worked at, and they dated for barely a year before tying the knot. A month or two beforehand, he had moved in with us at my grandparents’ house. Those few months were so fun for me, but I’m guessing my grandparents were less than thrilled to have their youngest daughter’s twerp of a boyfriend living in with them… during a hurricane event … with his computer crap and his stinky oscar fish… yeah, didn’t think so.

So I wasn’t at all surprised to find that their whole apartment was sort of like walking into a disaster area, or a college dorm: trash and dirty clothes strewn evereywhere, a flea-ridden kitten trampling all over the place, a huge black cat glowering in the corners, a white poodle dog – I’ll never understand what crossed my mother’s mind to hand the dog over to my aunt! – I mean, the place was a veritable ZOO… without the keepers. I was particularly appalled that I couldn’t even see the floor in their room, the trash and dirty laundry were packed that tight. And as I walked into the bathroom, the first thing that caught my eye was the little diaphragm box, and with that, the magic was gone. I fell out of love with my aunt.

Some years after that, at the age of 14, I agreed to spend the afternoon with her. She had asked me to help her out with a few tasks at her workplace (little fact: she worked at a law office at La Milla de Oro, inside the Banco Popular building to be exact). That evening I had plans to attend the graduation of my boyfriend’s little sister, so it added to the feeling of anxiousness to make the day pass faster.

I hated the whole thing. I hated the feeling, the ambiance, the tasks, the EVERYTHING of what I realized working in an office would feel like. This was the day I vowed NEVER to work at an office or at a bank, EVER!

Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!

I failed SO MUCH at keeping this promise to myself…

And so it began: an age of change, defiance, disillusionment with all that the 80s had sold to me through my aunt. An age of grunge, plaid, thinking for myself, questioning society, defining my sexual identity, discarding my religion … yeah, all those things that made a teenager out of the bumbling idiot of a tween I was.

Oversized jacket, second-hand beret, dorky lenses, suspenders and an older-than-time skort. I was a fashion plate!

So you have it (and to simplify): godless, sarcastic little me is a direct reaction to my aunt, who’s now a conservative Christian wife to an accountant/lawyer, living in a posh condo in one of the wealthiest areas in Puerto Rico – why am I not surprised.

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