Jun 12
Stray Fur
Posted by Diana in animals, life, memories, pets on 06 12th, 2010| icon32 Comments »

Our first stray was a cat. It was around Christmas-time and I was probably no more than 6 years old. It was customary in the family – back then – to deck the living room in basking glory (that means putting up a huge-ass tree that barely fits through the doorway and throw the boxloads of new, old and inherited ornaments on it … then, as an afterthought, plant the nativity scene – all old and stinking of mold – underneath). My mom tells that this particular year a cat started coming around. It was a dark colored cat, clean and well kept. It looked more like a lost cat than a cat born on the streets. I used to put out a tiny saucer of milk for him and pet him (or her?) for a while.

Then, one day, my mother had the brightest idea of them all: bring the cat in! And then go out. Yes. Leave the feline unattended … with a huge-ass fir treeeeeeee!

You know where the tree ended up, right?

And you know where the cat went, right?

After that, the strays that appeared were only fed, not brought in. I remember this black pup that came every afternoon to get his customary buscuit. This wasn’t a stray, he was a neighbor’s dog, but I liked to think of him as partly mine anyway. That’s why his demise under the tires of a car was a bit more painful than it should’ve been. His absence after that was my first taste of what happens when something you love goes away.

All the while, we’d been proud family to a small pack of white poodles. My parents started off with two (male & female), to pair them off and get at least one litter of purebred white poodles. At one point, there were about 6 or 7 puppies running around the house (additional to momma and pappa poodle). I was a very happy toddler, I had the best playmates ever! What else could I ask for?

Fuck playing with other kids! Dogs are AWESOME!

Things changed: we moved, my parents got divorced, time passed… eventually only one dog remained from the vast empire of curls: Laika, the original female (a sort of Eve). Then I brought in Sasha, handpicked by my grandfather to be our next canine companion at home. Some years after that, I got my first true stray: Lucky.

Lucky was a black kitten. I found her under a tree, mewing her lungs off. I glimpsed her mother’s body squished in the middle of the road. I couldn’t resist. I knelt on the floor, opened my arms, and Lucky came home. I took her to the ved, fed her, cared for her, and all was fine until the day one of my family members left the door open. After that she never came back inside (mostly because my father’s boxer wouldn’t let her). I was later told that she was sighted alive and well, in the wilderness of our yard (which was pretty expansive), nursing a litter. I guess muy job was complete.

That was 1999 and, after that, I didn’t get a stray for the longest while.Pets came and went: 2nd and 3rd generation litters from the pets we already had, adoptions, hand-me-downs. I had the most tragic deaths in 2003 – my 4 dogs, Sasha included, died in a fire that destroyed everything I had. It took me a while longer to realize I hadn’t been the best pet caretaker. Two adoptions later – both resulting in handing them over to someone better suited for the job – I finally had my first era of my life without a pet. And lord, did it suck!

Eze and I got a hamster to fill that void. Medea was the cutest thing – totally tame, 0 hamster bites in her year of life. She died a terrible death: tumors killed her off slowly. It was a painful thing to watch and I cried her death for the longest you can cry a hamster death. After that, I was certain I was ready to care for a dog again.

A few years later, Caprica came. A friend called me one night to tell me that her kids’ tutor had found two puppies abandoned in a park nearby. I asked about the approximate age of the pups: I knew I didn’t have the time to bottle feed weeks-old puppies. I went there next day, committed to at least help the woman out to find a place that would take good care of the pups. When I arrived, she said someone else had already adopted the male pup. Only the female was left: a tiny tuft of hair and mange, dotted with the teeniest ticks, still smelling of mother’s milk. My first thought was that I wasn’t ready to take on this. Hell, that was my first, second and third thought, for the next 3 hours. I brought her into my car inside of a small cardboard box, and I set course toward Humacao, looking for a no-kill shelter I had heard about. As it turns out, no one in Humacao knew about the shelter, no one could point me in the right direction. I drove around, lost, for the next few hours, and the puppy was so well behaved, she only voiced discomfort once, as I proceeded to step out of the car in a gas station to ask for directions.

I remember she woke up when I stopped the car, looked at me, and yelped twice loudly, as if saying “What the hell is taking so long?”. I fell in love right there and then. A pup that could withstand hours riding around in a  car without crying or peeing on my seat was a special pup. She stayed. We named her Caprica, after the home planet in our favorite sci-fi series, BSG. She made our lives more complicated, more expensive, more difficult… but also, much more pleasant. She was our first child.

..she spent her first 3 months with that startled look on her face. I guess she wasn't expecting to be rescued..

After that, we were pretty content. We had a run-in with a stray dove: fed her for a few weeks – a very complicated thing to do – and eventually realized Eze’s father could do a better job at it, so we took her to his house, where a stray cat promptly killed her with a swift swipe of the paw. We also got a second stray dog, bigger than Caprica herself. We quickly took her to Eze’s parents’ home, but she apparently had a taste for freedom, and she ran away successfully on her second attempt.

A year and a half after Caprica came into our lives, we got our last stray.  I was driving to the supermarket on a Sunday morning, and the tiniest cat crossed the road right in front of my car. I saw another car pass over him, I remember I yelped “Noooo!” and stopped dead on my tracks. Thankfully, the pickup truck on the next lane took my cue and stopped too, ‘cuz when we came around, we found the cat clinging to their front tire. He was a mess of oil-ridden hair and eye secretions. I grabbed him, got him in my car and took him to the nearest vet, thinking that they would take him in. No luck, except the attendant was nice enough to give me a box to put the cat in. I kept him that night, bathed him and cleaned his eyes, with the idea to take him to the shelter the next day. The next day was a holiday. The cat stayed – to Eze’s chagrin. And after that, I had already named named him. He was definitely mine.

Thing about strays is: in my case, these animals have proved to be the most thankful critters, capable of infinite affection. They both came into my lives with a slew of diseases and conditions that have cost me more money than what I have, but it’s been worth it. I’m not sorry in the leastest bit of having taken them in. They were born on the streets, but they have become family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happiness is a bundle of fur and legs.

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Jun 2

I just recently realized that most of what I am – the rebellion, the unwillingness to conform, the mental allergy to business suits, the outright refusal to “grow up” – is a direct effect of my aunt (of all people!).

My aunt is only 9 years older than me. You could say our initial dynamic was closer to that between sisters than bewteen aunt and niece. She played dolls with me and I borrowed her Barbies, inherited her toys and some of her clothes… As time passed, she became what an older sister usually becomes for a little sister: a role model. As she filled out and became a woman, I admired her fashion sense, flair and style… mind you, her style was this:

..oh for the love of god, gouge my eyes out with a spoon..

Yes, my aunt was a child from the Summer of ’69. If you do the math, you’ll realize this makes her an 80s teen. Her adolescence was spent teasing her hair to inhuman volumes and collecting rhinestone brooches to pin to her denim jackets. She wasn’t a trashy, punk 80s girl – that would have been outrageous and too forward for our family. My aunt was a perfect ringer for Molly Ringwald (sans the red hair): spiffy blazers and glam jewelry, bangles riddled with charms, bright-white hi-tops with pastel-colored leg warmers, pouffy hair-barrettes … everything you hate about the eighties was in my aunt’s closet.

The wondrous color of PINK! Together with denim, it's a **winning** combi- BARF!

The wondrous color of PINK, together with denim it's a **winning** combi- BARF!

Her pasttimes and preferences left nothing to be desired! She was a full-on eighties girl: a fan of Wham! and John Hughes movies, she loved hanging out at the mall … a regular Robin Sparkles.

That is what I looked up to when I was an awkwardly budding kid. I even developed tiny crushes on her boyfriends. The extent of her effect on me could be exemplified by one incident: our first shopping spree. She had just gotten her first office job – and after a few failed attempts at getting a career (and then dropping out), hell, that’s the best she could do! We went shopping for shoes to go with her polyester, shoulder-padded suits. She spent around $100 on pump shoes of different colors. Right now it seems like no big deal, but for 9-year-old me, $100 was a LOT of money. After that, she spent the rest of whatever allowance she had left on music, she even bought me a Nelson Nelson cassette (omg, this last phrase just dated the whole episode and made me a whole lot less cool).

Aaaaafter the rain... best cassette EVER! ...until the next one I bought.

I wound up crying in my mother’s arms because I couldn’t wrap my head around so much money spent on shoes and music.

But, for all that blind adoration, little by little, I came into my own.  I think it all started the day she got married: a few weeks after that, I visited their apartment for the first time. Keep in mind that my aunt’s first marriage was when she and her beau were both just 20 years old. They had met at the mall store they worked at, and they dated for barely a year before tying the knot. A month or two beforehand, he had moved in with us at my grandparents’ house. Those few months were so fun for me, but I’m guessing my grandparents were less than thrilled to have their youngest daughter’s twerp of a boyfriend living in with them… during a hurricane event … with his computer crap and his stinky oscar fish… yeah, didn’t think so.

So I wasn’t at all surprised to find that their whole apartment was sort of like walking into a disaster area, or a college dorm: trash and dirty clothes strewn evereywhere, a flea-ridden kitten trampling all over the place, a huge black cat glowering in the corners, a white poodle dog – I’ll never understand what crossed my mother’s mind to hand the dog over to my aunt! – I mean, the place was a veritable ZOO… without the keepers. I was particularly appalled that I couldn’t even see the floor in their room, the trash and dirty laundry were packed that tight. And as I walked into the bathroom, the first thing that caught my eye was the little diaphragm box, and with that, the magic was gone. I fell out of love with my aunt.

Some years after that, at the age of 14, I agreed to spend the afternoon with her. She had asked me to help her out with a few tasks at her workplace (little fact: she worked at a law office at La Milla de Oro, inside the Banco Popular building to be exact). That evening I had plans to attend the graduation of my boyfriend’s little sister, so it added to the feeling of anxiousness to make the day pass faster.

I hated the whole thing. I hated the feeling, the ambiance, the tasks, the EVERYTHING of what I realized working in an office would feel like. This was the day I vowed NEVER to work at an office or at a bank, EVER!

Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!

I failed SO MUCH at keeping this promise to myself…

And so it began: an age of change, defiance, disillusionment with all that the 80s had sold to me through my aunt. An age of grunge, plaid, thinking for myself, questioning society, defining my sexual identity, discarding my religion … yeah, all those things that made a teenager out of the bumbling idiot of a tween I was.

Oversized jacket, second-hand beret, dorky lenses, suspenders and an older-than-time skort. I was a fashion plate!

So you have it (and to simplify): godless, sarcastic little me is a direct reaction to my aunt, who’s now a conservative Christian wife to an accountant/lawyer, living in a posh condo in one of the wealthiest areas in Puerto Rico – why am I not surprised.

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Dec 31

I think it was precisely ten years ago that I gave up the tradition of making resolutions for the new year. I think I must’ve figured it was a stupid waste of energy. Habits are diamond-hard to break: an overnight party and champagne binge will not change that, neither will a change in the calendar year.

So, New Year’s Eve turned for me into a contemplation of milestones. Like watching a movie recap, I look back on all things achieved and changed during the course of the past year. Serves no purpose but to think.

Most people are convinced that this year marks the end of the decade (poor misguided souls!): a mistaken perception, since decades change over when year number 1 starts – not year zero. So it comes to pass that people start reminiscing, not only about the past year, but also about the past ten years. Most social networks online get filled with small fragments of memories: travels, piercings, graduations, jobs… and then I thought about it too. What was I doing 10 years ago? And it hit me like a stone.

Ten years ago, May 1999 to be precise, I graduated from college with a BA in commercial administration, ready and committed to work for an IT company. I immediately was sent on my first work trip, and immediately proceeded to “fall in love” with the first Costa Rican boy that batted his pretty lashes at me. Going to bed with him was just a matter of a few nights, some alcohol and a smattering of gallant words.

Ten years ago, September 2009, I aborted his baby. I learned a few things: 1 – this career was not the career I wanted, 2 – I had no intention of being a single mother, 3 – not all men who treat you kindly and say pretty words will actually be good men. I also realized that during my college years, I had become what my career required me to become, not who I actually was. I quit my job the day after my abortion. Business suits and pump shoes were put away.

Ten years ago, October 1999, I got my first retail job. I learned that I loved retail. I learned that retail doesn’t earn enough to keep.

Ten years ago, December 1999, I had my best Christmas ever. In spite of the horrid abortion I had just had (and the immediate sense of regret, the tears always at the ready in my eyes), my family proved to be everything I needed. This was the year I learned that I had a home again, even if my parents were divorced, even if my heart was breaking. Family was my fallback pillow. Family was my womb.

At the present, I am currently following the academic path I would have chosen in 1995 if my father hadn’t offered his advice filled with common sense. In the meanwhile, I’m working in retail again, after almost 10 years working on my BA career. I tried time and again to make it right, but the heart knows best: this was not the career I wanted. I knew by 1999. Ten years did not change that.

I miss my family to the point of tears. My father and his wife, who housed me in infinite warmth in 1999, now live in Orlando, FL. I will be visiting them in 2 weeks. My brother, who in 1999 was my partner in crime and advisor, now lives in Chicago, IL. I don’t know when I’ll see him again. My stepbrother and stepsisters all live in different places, some have their own children now… The family is fragmented. The love is still there.

… and ultimately, I chose not to have children. Had I had my way shortly after the abortion, I would have had a “guilt baby”. Destiny chose otherwise then. I’ve come to keep making that choice lately. I’m not sorry for my decisions.

My life has been product of those decisions.

So, 2010 will not magically bring new clarity or abundance into my life. It’s just a milestone. Here’s to hoping I get many more of those. May I lead an interesting life.

(yes, I just cursed myself)
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May 12
It’s in the Food
Posted by Diana in family, food, life, memories on 05 12th, 2009| icon3No Comments »
... arroz y habichuelas ...

... arroz y habichuelas ...

Food is always an issue in my household: Eze likes his rice & beans, pork chops and viandas; I don’t. I’m usually met with incredulous faces (complete with gaping mouths and wide eyes) when I admit that I don’t like rice & beans at all. If you’re boricua, you have to like rice & beans, sancocho, pasteles… in a case like mine, the kindest of remarks is that I’m “fussy with food”. I’ve even been told that I wrongfully believe that I’m not boricua (“te crees europea, es?”). I’ve tried by all means to understand why it is that there’s food that everyone seems to love that I don’t like at all: this is important to me becase most of that food is the food my husband loves, the food that is served at his parents’ house table. The easiest conclusion achieved is that I was brought up on an “American menu” (a.k.a. hamburgers, hot dogs, mac & cheese), but that is only partly right. I think I finally understood why it is much more complex than that…

Comfort food

(n) Defined as food that gives emotional comfort to the one eating it, these tend to be favorite foods of childhood, or linked to a person, place or time with which the food has a positive association.

For most people around me, such things as rice & beans, pork chops, bacalao, etc are associated with positive and happy times around the table with the family: the warm and loving mom that cooked this for you is the one handing you the plate with a smile. There’s no trauma to eating a plateful of rice & beans, right?

Well, in my case, I wasn’t so lucky to be born liking rice & beans, and the earliest memory I have of that dish is my Mom snarling at me to eat it all. Beans taste to me like force-feeding. It’s not comforting at all. I’m pretty sure these incidents were not daily occurrences: my mom also cooked mashed potatoes with hot dogs, cordon bleu, etc… these were the foods I associated with good times: sharing a chicken cordon bleu piece with my father … yeah, eating most of it because I didn’t like my own dish …

Comfort food for me? Sweet dinner rolls with butter, with a side of slices of salchichón. Instant mashed potatoes with chopped salchichas mixed in. Serrano ham with fried cheese balls. Arabian desserts. My grandmother’s turkey and relleno (potatoes, eggs, onions, almonds, raisins). Mom’s ground beef with rice. Colombian or Venezuelan arepas. Braunschweiger. It wasn’t so much what food I had most often, it was the food that I came to associate with happiness

Some things, I’ve learned to love as an adult: peppers, roquefort cheese, onions, cauliflowers, some viandas. Others, like rice & beans or string beans (or lima beans, or any kind of beans,except refried – because they’ve been killed and mashed) I associate immediately with frustration and almost being sick at the table …

So, dear loved ones: stop insisting on the rice & beans. It.Makes.Me.Sick. (and eating it certainly feels like a chore)

Thank you.

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Jan 3
2008 – Un Recap
Posted by Diana in family, friends, life, memories on 01 3rd, 2009| icon3No Comments »

El 2008 me dejó más lecciones que muchos de los años anteriores.

A través de penas y malratos, al fin entendí que no puedo “bregar” con mi carrera. Por más que me esfuerce por retener el interés y ser la más profesional y la más “echá pa’ lante”, definitivamente estoy tratando de caber en una chaqueta que no me corresponde. A lo mejor he logrado convencer a los demás de que puedo ejercer mi profesión de manera adecuada; pero nunca logré convencerme a mí misma, que era lo más importante. Octubre 2008 marca el momento exacto en que me divorcié de mi carrera: no más tratar de ser la Super Técnica, ni ser una ejecutiva adecuada siquiera. El intento me brinda más desgracias que lo que pueda pagar un puesto de esos. En el proceso decepcioné a algunas personas; pero sé que, los que me quieran, sabrán ver el beneficio de este cambio tan espectacularmente controversial.

Actualmente estoy trabajando en Hot Topic como vendedora por el sueldo mínimo: al igual que en invierno de 1999, soy feliz en la simplicidad de mis labores. Esta vez pretendo no dejarme descarrilar por el hambre del dinero. También estoy estudiando, ésa es la prioridad actual. Lo que termine de hacer con los estudios, es mi esperanza, será a lo que me dedicaré… cuando sea grande! :-)

Estos últimos meses del 2008 fueron plácidos en el ámbito laboral; pero, como la vida nunca puede ser 100% sosegada, en mi familia las cosas se voltearon patas pa’rriba. Mi abuela visitó el hospital dos veces en dos semanas, situación en la que me ví tan involucrada – a mí misma y a mis hermanos – que no pude quedarme callada más rato y tuve que expresarlo aquí… para desagrado de par de tíos y demás familiares periferales que realmente no vienen al caso, pero que se sintieron TAN aludidos que decidieron comentar sobre un blog que en cualquier otro momento no se hubiesen dignado en leer. Hablé originalmente sobre una familia desbandada, y fue como un self-fulfilling prophecy: mis comentarios sirvieron para deshacer la madeja de familia innecesaria que nos rodeaba como satélites muertos.

Por otro lado, el núcleo también se está afectando. Éste es el detalle que todavía es relevante, el que todavía pica, el que no pienso mencionar aún. Nos ha tocado crecer, nos ha tocado revestirnos de paciencia… me ha tocado reevaluar la situación familiar, y qué hay que hacer para que esta generación Campo-Rossy no se convierta en una maldita copia de la Rossy-Stiehl. Sería muy fácil dejarlo pasar, es la inercia que nos hace gravitar hacia ese horroroso destino; pero quiero demasiado a mis hermanos, a mi madre, a mi padre, a lo que es realmente mi familia y mi templo, para dejar que eso pase.

En estos momentos difíciles, sin embargo, he encontrado que al fin tengo un propio hogar: Ezequiel, Caprica & yo. Es un comfort saber que duermo con mi hogar todas las noches. No importa los embates, el calor y el cariño que ellos me brindan es lo que recarga mis fuerzas.

También tengo que reconocer que este año he aprendido que familia no siempre es = a sangre. Poco a poco se va estableciendo mi nueva familia. Están los de siempre: papi, mami, mis hermanos … y están los de ahora: Pepe, Jose, Mari, Julio… Eze y yo llevamos ya 4 años juntos. Cuatro años que han sido suficiente para empezar a montar una tradición… a ver si la seguimos en el 2009…

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