Girl Anachronicles

#1, next Monday is going to be, in some measure, surreal. Going back to 1995, the expectations, the nervousness.

#2, next two weeks, on the other hand, are going to be more real than I would like to deal with. Most people will not understand my reasons for the decision I’ve made. Some will come as far as to be annoyed. I even expect the random colleague to come across and demand answers and explanations, and I’m afraid I won’t have a generally satisfactory answer.

#3, Mother’s Day is drawing near, as well as my sister’s birthday, all of it during a moment in life in which money is going to be a precious commodity. I think the best I will be able to do will be to offer them homemade food. My sister has been clamoring for some cheesy potatoes (potatoes au gratin, if you wanna get more gourmand in the description), and my mom has asked in more than one occasion for my pasta carbonara. I think I will oblige (and will probably throw in some homemade dessert for good measure). It’s the best I can do.

I just need to remind myself that “today” is not my life. That hours are just a fraction of a day, and that not all hours can be as pleasant as I wish they were.

I need to keep in mind that the clothes I wear to work and what I do for a living do not define me as a person. I am not my career, and this too shall pass.

I need to keep my inner peace in check today, because the lack of information and details in the orders given to me is not my fault. I can and will do the best I can do given the circumstances.

And as soon as I get home, I’ll be able to sleep.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

I had this entry written out in my mind some 15 minutes ago, but now it’s gone. I was in the passenger’s seat of Eze’s car fifteen minutes ago. I think I need a small electronic tablet, something to record my thoughts as they happen. If I let it go, I m ight never get it back again. Fickle fickle fickle inspiration.

It was all about how Eze and i see and do things differently in life. He’s usually the keen observer, while I remember things more like a collage, or “like a trailer of glimpses and brief moments, spliced with images burned onto the wooden cortex of my mind.” (see? that bit I did remeber! yay!) There was much more to say though,but it all seems moot point now. Another article/essay that never came to be. Bad too, because it’s been a long while since I’ve written regularly.

It’s the job, really. I like working for the company I work for, but the irregular hours and the stres over the learning process leave me with very little energy to sit down to write in the evenings. If you add the spent energy necessary to keep a clean house with a new puppy (with full run of the house during the daytime), you’ll understand why I’ve been mostly absent from my writing hobby. Not so with my beading hobby, but that is only due to yesterday evening, which I spent at a friend’s house. There was a beading demo from a representative for a company that sells Swarovski jewelry. I didn’t buy anything (the kits were a bit on the pricey side for my standards) but I put together a couple of pieces, which inspired me to make a piece of my own today.

Caprica did something this morning that totally blew my mind, I’ve never seen a dog doing anything like it. She started pawing the water out of her bowl onto the floor, and after she had made a small pool of water at the kitchen’s entrance, she started running around the dining table and back to the puddle… and as she got to the wet area she’d let herself slide. She apprently likes the waterworks more than she’s let on before Totally nuts!

I started working at my new place on Monday. I was handed my laptop just yesterday, though. Seems like they weren’t exactly 100% ready for me.

The hours are weird, it will take some getting used to. I’ve been working at offices for about 7 or 8 years now. My punch-in time has always been 8am or earlier. In most places I’ve been, it has been completely mandatory that I be there on time, down to the last company I worked for, in which 8:01am was one minute too late. In here, we work from 9am to 6pm, and it’s almost like a suggestion. I’ve seen people come in at 10am or even 11am, and it’s not a big deal. However, punch-out time is 6pm, and I don’t see people leave much earlier than that. That will be the hardest thing to get used to, but it’ll be alright.

The office is freakishly small, like a doctor’s office. Right now, I’m sitting in the conference room, which also doubles as docking bay for the technicians (since techs don’t get their own cubicles … the office is freakishly small). This office is in a building that was apparently made for doctors’ offices and clinics, and the footsteps of the people passing by in the hall make the floor tremble. It thunders through this space like it was made of construction paper. Other than that, the silence is a bit unnerving. These people are so different from one another, yet they all seem to convene on one thing: they like their peace and quiet.

These days have been odd, obviously. Being the new girl, not having the slightest clue of what to do, other than reading and re-reading the manual for the software I will be working with… and then again, sometimes getting the feeling of comfort that these people will most likely consider me family with astounding speed (since not only the office is freakishly small, but the staff is also not very big). I like it here, but I’m trying not to get too comfortable. My job’s gonna be on the outside, at the client, and that’s usually never a comfort zone. That’s the reason I chose this: to get out from behind the desk and do something different… wake my mind up a bit.

So, on Tuesday we’ll be on our way to San Diego (plane leaves at 4:52pm!), and after our return it will be work work work! I have a good feeling about this, though. I can do this, it should be good.

Different. But good.

Today it feels much more official, today is the first day of the last week, today is the beginning of a long good-bye.

It was a nice “romance” while it lasted, and just the same, it’s always a bittersweet deal when it’s over.

Promises of Eternity

by The Magnetic Fields

What if the show couldn’t go on
What if we all got jobs and got to bed before dawn
What if Old Joe had to retire
What if all the stage hands were let go or fired
That’s just like what the world would be
If you fell out of love with me

I can’t let this happen to you
Don’t you let it happen to me
What would our friends and family say
If they could only see
If you let this happen to us
Don’t think you’d be setting me free
Wasn’t it you and I who made
Promises of eternity

What if the lights didn’t go on
What if the velvet curtain had to be taken down
What if the clowns couldn’t be clowns
And all those painted smiles gave in to plaintive frowns
What if no show ever happened again
No Seven, no 8 1/2, no Nine, and no “10″
All numbers and no mystery
No promise of eternity…